


This is right.

by jinglebin



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Demisexual Ingrid, Demisexuality, F/F, F/M, Sexuality Crisis, look idk wtf this is the idea was eating away at me and this is the result
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 12:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12771288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinglebin/pseuds/jinglebin
Summary: It takes Ingrid a long time to come to terms with her sexuality.





	This is right.

**Author's Note:**

> I entirely blame Bri and Mikki for this for liking my headcanon which has had this festering in my brain since then and I literally couldn't keep it in anymore.  
> Also I am in fact demisexual but i'm not the sole authority on it so if I accidentally hurt aces/demis I'm sorry and let me know what it was.

When you’re young people always tell you one day you’ll meet someone and it’ll be right. They’re either talking about love or sex or both. They start telling you when you’re too young to know or care. 

Ingrid always believed them. It’s easy to get lost in a fantasy world of feelings when you’re not supposed to have them yet. So she played pretend that one day a boy would sweep her off her feet. 

She was nearly fourteen when she started worrying about it. The times where her friends played pretend at feelings had gone and they talked about boys and lips and how much they liked kissing. 

Ingrid looked at lot of boys lips, she didn’t want to kiss any of them. 

She told Eva she didn’t understand the appeal. Eva told her it was fun. Then she offered to show her. 

Eva Mohn kissed her that day. Soft and warm and tasting like the watermelon lip gloss they were all obsessed with back then. Eva kissed her and it made Ingrid’s heart race and her palms sweat. Ingrid’s hands wrapped themselves into Eva’s hair and when Eva’s tongue slipped into her mouth Ingrid thought she finally understood.  _ Kissing was fun. _

Ingrid tried looking at boys’ lips again. She still didn’t want to kiss them. 

Sometimes she looked at Eva’s lips and missed the feel of them on her own. 

Things changed the day she met Jonas. She didn’t want to kiss him. Not right away. But he seemed content making her laugh. 

One day Jonas grabbed her hand as he walked her home. His palm was warm in hers and she felt it radiate through her arm. 

Maybe Jonas was the right person. 

His smile became Ingrid’s favorite thing in the world. It seemed to become brighter every day. Brighter and brighter. His lips more tempting. Until one day Ingrid stopped him on their walk home and firmly attached their lips together. 

It felt right. It did. 

Jonas lips were Ingrid’s new favorite thing. 

Eva and Sara started asking if they’d had sex. 

Jonas lips were Ingrid’s favorite thing. She could sing their praise and worship them forever. They were all she wanted, nothing more. 

Should she want more? 

She loves Jonas. She loves him. 

Jonas never pushes. He said it doesn’t matter. He loves her.

_ He loves her. _

At a party Eva comes up to her drunk. Does Jonas make Ingrid feel good. Is he a better kisser than Eva? Eva crowds Ingrid, presses their bodies together. Does Jonas kiss Ingrid’s neck? Does she like it? Eva’s lips find the skin on Ingrid’s neck. The closeness sent Ingrid’s skin aflame. She longs to reach out and touch Eva. 

Is this wanting more? 

In bed that night Ingrid’s hand drifts down as she remembers the feel of Eva’s lips on her skin. Her mind is filled with images of long hair falling down and caressing her face. When Ingrid comes it’s with a whisper of Eva’s name on her lips. 

_ Is she the right person? _

Guilt and shame and confusion are at war. She can’t look Eva in the eye. She can’t let Jonas touch her. 

Two days later Jonas breaks up with her. It stings, it stings. Like needles in her skin. Sting. 

Two more days later she goes to see Eva and insteads spots Jonas as she looks through Eva’s window. Hands roaming, lips exploring. Eva’s face contorted in pleasure. 

There’s a stabbing in her heart. More stinging in her skin. Stab. Sting. What hurts worse? Him? Her? It’s all pain. 

He loved her. He loved her.  _ He didn’t care.  _

Did she love him? 

An echo of wanting haunts her dream. She knows. She knows. It’s only ever Eva. 

She tells Sara. The only one left she can talk to. She thinks she’s gay. Sara rolls her eyes and kisses her. It’s harsh and fast and Ingrid feels nothing. 

Sara says she can’t be gay if she didn’t like that.

Can’t she? 

Eva fades from her life. She’s only there in periphery. Ingrid’s feelings get driven out by resentment. And then there’s nothing. 

The dreams of Eva’s lips and hair and hands disappear. And there’s no more wanting. 

Am I broken? 

There’s sleepless nights and exhaustion and confusion until it leads to searches which bring her to one thing.

Asexual.

Is that right? 

The ghost of wanting Eva feels so distant she might have imagined it. 

Maybe it’s right. 

Ingrid gets used to not wanting. It explains how she sees the world. She understands the people who do want. It’s right. It has to be. 

She’s fine she moves on. 

Life throws enough drama her way. She befriends Eva again. Then they fall out again. Then befriends her again. 

She meets another boy. 

His name is Mutta and he makes her laugh. 

His name is Mutta and soon he occupies her mind.

Her heart flutters with a feeling she remembers but had forgotten she could still have. 

It’s slow and sweet and all she needs.  

His hand steadies her. 

His hugs envelop her in warmth that spreads to her entire body. 

His smile, his smile. Her heart soars. 

Ingrid falls for lips again. Slowly, surely. They look better and better. 

She kisses him. He kisses her. 

She loves him.  

His hands on her skin leave a trail of fire that sets her entire being aflame.

She loves him. 

His lips on her awaken a hunger inside her she hasn’t felt since Eva. She wants.  _ She wants.  _

Eva was real. This is real. 

She tries to make sense of it all. Digs deeper into searching until everything finally falls in place.

Demisexual.

This is right. 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah Ingrid is (biromantic) demisexual in my head and it might be total self-projection but I honestly don't care.  
> Also sorry for mistakes this isn't edited at all because it was just a thing driving me crazy that I had to let out.


End file.
